Does anyone I know live/or go shopping at a Sainsburys? They’re giving out 3D glasses for C4’s 3D week and I can’t get any :/ Help please?

Shit, my daughters love Lucie. Simon Cowell is a fucking-fuck-fuckety-fucky-cock-snood! He has my girls’ tears on his leathery hands!

This is the QuimTwins last public show - surely they’ll do it with giant cocks strapped to their bodies? Oh, they already are… #xfactor

My girls having a sleepover have forced me to turn off X-Factor to watch a straight to DVD tween-flick. I am forever in their debt. #xfactor

I’d like to see Danyl sing Carmina Burana from The Omen… #xfactor

Isn’t this song supposed to be subtle and demure? #xfactor

Anyone got a Spotify invite code please? Genuine family emergency :)

I love that my friends are doing big-life-changey stuff! Chuffed (and proud) of all of ‘em! Congrats! @matthewgibbs @mrpointyhead @helenl